(CBS) When couples get married, they often promise to love, honor, and cherish each other. Too often, those traditional wedding vows turn out to be nothing but empty promises.

Psychologist "Dr. Robin" Smith, who often appears on "Oprah," says it doesn't have to be that way. Her new book, "Lies at the Altar," offers advice on building a happy and healthy marriage.

It's already red-hot.

On The Early Show Friday, Dr. Robin told co-anchor Julie Chen the book is for everyone, not just couples thinking of getting married or who are already married.

"What the book is really about," she said to Chen, "is living more in truth than in lies. Lies about what? About who we are. When you don't know who you are, it's hard to create, it's actually impossible to create, to carve, and to build the life and relationship of our dreams."

Dr. Robin made clear these aren't even intentional lies that she's referring to.

"(People) don't know who (they) are and often, unfortunately, because of the models that we've had in our families and on television, there hasn't been anyone who has given us permission, who has shown us the way, the path, into living more in the truth.

"So, we're afraid to let someone know who we are, because (we think) maybe they won't love us, maybe they won't choose us, maybe they'll decide, 'That's not the person that I want to spend my life with.' What we don't know is that, 'If I live with that kind of fear and I live covering up who I really am, I am cheating myself and minimizing the possibility of really having a good, strong marriage.' I mean, my message is pro-marriage, but it's about being married and being smart."

The problem, observes Dr. Robin, begins when we not only cover up who we really are to our significant others, but to ourselves.

"I think it starts, actually, with a cover-up to yourself, being an impostor. Again, not because we're bad. Not because we're liars. Not because we're conniving, but because we're afraid. We're afraid of knowing, really, who we really are, because we think we're going to lose out on choices and opportunities, not knowing that how we really lose out is by being the impostor, that is, the cheater, the thief, and the robber."

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